Early this week I had an experience that was unpleasant and unsettling. And it has forced me to look at myself and ask some hard questions.
This incident relates to my professional life but the more I thought about it the more I realized the vulnerabilities in my work persona and also vulnerabilities in my personal life. There really is no difference between the two. But let me explain.
This weekend something went horribly wrong in my professional life (the details are not important). This was not something I could have prevented or avoided, it was outside of my control. I assessed the situation and made what I thought was the correct interim decision. All but two people agreed with my decision - a husband and wife duo. And the husband launched an attack on me that was completely irrational, brutal and very definitely unprofessional. I responded to him in a professional manner, trying to explain how the situation had occurred and why I had made my decision.
He was at that point of irrationality that no matter what I said he wasn't listening. So, I thought I would diffuse the situation by apologizing (actually I am not sure what I was apologizing for but I thought it might help). He refused to accept my apology saying he wanted me to acknowledge I was wrong and had made a mistake. I was not willing to do that! All of this was being witnessed (electronically) by others including my "real" boss.
My boss called me to tell me how inappropriate the other guy's behavior was and he was acting like a bully. He told me to brush it off, and not pay any attention to it. I reminded him this was easier said than done. This after all is my livelihood and this man wields a great deal of power. As a single person, I have one income - mine! And if something happens to my job I have no safety net. I have no family who can help support me.
My boss agreed I should definitely not provide the acknowledgment this person wanted but he said, "Let it go, it will all blow over in a few days!" And he is probably correct. It will blow over - at least until the next time. This is not the first time this man has lashed out at me for no rational reason.
I can understand my boss wants to avoid confronting this person, but if I say nothing what does that say about me? I know he would never say the things he said to me, to anyone else involved in this organization, so am I becoming his personal whipping boy?
Is my boss right when he says if I ignore the rancor I empower myself? Or does my silence give this person the message it is okay to treat me like this?
And this is what makes me ask questions about myself. I am generally what you would call a "nice girl". I truly believe in, and make a conscious choice to be nice - polite, respectful, kind... Does this "niceness" make some people think its okay to treat me badly? Does it open me to abusive behavior?
Do I do this in other areas of my life? I think of myself as a strong person, in fact I know I am a strong person, but do I put up with bad behavior in an attempt to be "nice"?
Food for thought!
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