Internet perils

The past few days the media has been covering a story about a woman in California who has filed a civil suit against Match.com because she felt they should have done more to protect her. She alleges a man she met on Match.com sexually assaulted her and he has been convicted on similar albeit misdemeanor crimes.

She wants Match.com to screen all members against the sexual predator registry. It looks like Match.com is going to do this. I listened to this story and read lots of the comments going back on forth on various websites. People have strong opinions on this. They range from thinking it's ridiculous to think Match.com had any liability in this, to thinking she's right and supporting her.

I have some thoughts on this. First of all, I am really sorry this woman or any person should have to endure a sexual assault. I know the guy is saying its consentual but in my opinion (and I acknowledge its only my opinion) I do think she was assaulted. He has a history of this and generally speaking history is the best predictor of future behavior. The fact that the previous charges were "only" misdemeanours" really just shows how loopy our justice system is.

That being said, I think Match.com has little or no liability in this. Anyone joining signs a waiver of liability. Match.com's offer to screen members against the register sex offenders list doesn't hold much water. I would assume if you were trolling the profiles of Match.com and you are a registered sex offender, you probably wouldn't use your real name. Well, unless you were as stupid as you are deviant! Also, in this particular case this guy would not have shown up on the federal registry as his previous run-ins were misdemeanors.

So, if Match.com implements this new policy, will its members be more protected, or falsely secure?

Lets face a few facts: most sex offenders know their way around, so they will find ways to get around this. If people lie about their age, their height, their weight, their marital status, I think they will find a way to lie their way around this.

Let's not forget many sexual predators are never arrested, charged or convicted. Sexual assaults remain under reported and under prosecuted. These people are arch manipulators and many can be charming. But this also means they would not show up in any screening process. If we are relying on Match.com and other similar sites to screen out the "bad guys and gals" are we deluding ourselves?

While I think these sites should do everything they can to protect their members, I think we need to go into these encounters with our eyes wide open. We need to accept not everyone is playing fair and we need to be skeptical.

For many of us who lasted dated in the previous century, we have to accept things have changed - dating has changed. We can blame it on whatever we want to blame it on, we can complain its not fair, but it is our reality.

I remember when I dated the first time (last century). It was customary for the guy to pick you up at your parents home or at your apartment. That was the norm and any guy who expected you to meet him somewhere was just not a gentleman. Today the reality is different. We can't have someone we barely know come to our house we were we probably live alone. Now we meet the man of the moment in a public place. At least one friend needs to know where you are going on the date and you will text that friend later to say you are home safely. If you have our date's name, you will probably google them, and you should expect they will do the same with you.

We can hate this, but its our reality. We live in a time when you can find information about someone that can protect you, but you have to be aware they can find information about you that can hurt you.